The evening I found out about Dave, I text all my family to tell them that I love them and that I love our little family. As mentioned in the previous blog, I'm taking a new pro- active view to life as my tribute to Dave and I wanted to contact them to remind them that I love them. With every response I got back I cried a little bit more. It made me wonder that at the point when Dave passed if he told his wife that he loved her or vice versa. Or when in fact the last time they told each other. Was it the day before, the week before or longer? When was the last time, that Dave held his wife's hand? What gets me is that he would have been planning to go on holiday or visit his daughter or go to the dentist fully expecting to keep those appointments or visits when all of a sudden, he can't.
When people pass, others sometimes say, 'well, it was their time to go.' I have to say that because of recent events I can't see this to be true. How can it be there time to go when they have so much left to do with their lives? How they can be ripped so suddenly from their families? With old age or a long illness, I can kind of see why but in this case, it's something that I can't make sense of.
It's weird to me why this has affected me so much. I have lost three relatives in the past 3-6 years and each was really really hard to come to terms with. They were the glue that held our family together. It didn't feel like proper family gatherings without them, like someone was missing. But I accepted it, not quickly, but I did probably because they had each lived a full and happy life. Gramps was nearly 101 when he passed!
But Dave's passing has affected me more than I thought. As mentioned in the last post, he wasn't a particularly friendly man and work sometimes infuriated him but he was a person, a human being who had a family who loved him. I do not believe it was his time to go and as silly as it sounds, I miss seeing him in the office. I miss hearing him bang the desk when he lost his temper- it used to make us all laugh- bless him.
So true to my word, I am trying to move on and live for the moment. I'm still angry at the fact that I have to work 8 hours of my day sat in front of a computer when I could be visiting. Thank god for mobile phones and 21st century technology. Without the odd text, photo message or video call on Skype, it would make things 100 times worse.
This is how my weekend is panning out so far-
Friday evening- dinner in with Dan- lots cheaper than eating out and we get to be alone
Saturday- Visit Sarah and Jess- two old friends I used to work with who have since had babies- in proper need of a catch up
Visit Rach and my goddaughter Eva- been trying to do this every week since I moved to Birmingham- it's massively important to me to be a good friend and for Eva to know who I am as she grows up.
Sleepover at my mum's house! Dinner out with mum and cuddles from my 12 year old brother (if he lets me!) and with the dog!
Sunday- Cup of hot chocolate in town with my sister :-) Will try and squeeze in a catch up with my older brother too.
Dinner with Dan
With Dan now working Saturday nights in his new job, it's gives me the opportunity to do my own thing with the girls and see my family. Also, boring things like washing and cleaning. All the things he doesn't want to be around for!
Also, instead of sitting in front of the TV last night, me and my flatmate Soph went out for a 45 minute power walk. It was good as we burned calories whilst chatting and catching up- probably something we wouldn't have done watching TV. And in the last post I mentioned if I wanted to eat something, I would just eat it instead of obsessing over it so with that in mind I've come up with a plan. If I've lost weight at WW, I will treat myself to something naughty. Something like fish and chips or a maccy d's!
Comments always welcome as usual :-) love love love
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